Made it through another day

Pretty much, that's the best that can be said for it. Really need to remember to take the rent downstairs and drop it off... have it right here, and just keep not synching with the neighbors to do it.

Finally recognized the source of about 10% of the angst and aggravation I'm feeling when I checked in with myself about what I wanted for lunch. Specifically, I was visualizing Doritos, a milkshake, twinkies, and fries. Perhaps a greasy hamburger.

The burger fries and shake, that's something that comes up more often than just that 10 days a month. Doritos and twinkies? It's a sure clue-in. So in about a week and a half, I may feel a little less emotionally overwhelmed. Or if the little kids take over for a while, but they're dealing with their own stuff, so perhaps not.


TMI ALERT

It's one of those weird DID things... recently noticed that my period has been longer, with a strange (for me) interspersal of the usual heavy flow and really light-to-nonexistent period days. Right there in the middle, when it's usually heavy flow gradually tapering off. Then I started paying attention. Somehow, if the littles are strongly present, no flow. When a teen or adult shows up, it's like the plug gets let out. Too bad I can't just have littles out for the duration. Of course, then my period drags on for quite a while, so perhaps it's not worth that.

So, in light of the really clear, distinct physical evidence, you'd think we'd all line up and say, "Okay, this is real." Nope. Still a long process in here.


/TMI (safe for anyone squickable to read from here out)

The other thing I'm paying attention to, being aware of, whatever, is this: the "problem" is not that I have littles. I've coped pretty well with my enjoyment of play, or whatever the parts all enjoy, for pretty much all of my life. There was the regrettable three days in 10th grade when I tried to fit in, but I got past that. :)

No, what the "problem" is, is that these are kids who behave developmentally appropriately, AND who went through abuse. So they have, shall we say, "issues." And they all play out differently, and they use my body to express those issues. So the bursting into tears, the counting steps, the wanting to hit things for no discernible reason.... gah. And you blend that in with the normal raging hormones of PMS, it just becomes rather frustrating.

Gonna be glad to get through the next couple of days. Maybe I'll find a restaurant that will serve me fries dipped in a milkshake.