Today

Sometimes, it's hard to accept a bad day, when I've had a few good days in a row. Today is not a great day. I can't say why, but I'm jittery and anxious, and not able to do anything, really.

Partly, it's that my body is incredibly achy and painful, because of the fibro. And I guess some of the emotional stuff is because I (or at least some of my parts) were doing some more intense work in therapy this week.

It's hard to be sure, and even harder because my issues are invisible on the physical level. It's not like I can have an x-ray or some kind of objective examination, and someone can say, "Oh, this is exactly what's wrong, and here's how long it's going to be wrong."

And it's very difficult for me to accept that perhaps the best path is to give in to this, and go rest in bed. It feels lazy and self-indulgent, but when I try to do something, I panic and stand staring, even with the most simple things (washing dishes, sweeping the floor, deciding if I'm going to go to the store). So it's not like I'm getting more done by staying out of bed.