Thinking

I was thinking about something and it made me kinda mad. This is what I was thinking. The rules now are very different from how they were when I was little for real.

Like right now, for real, I am actually a grown up. I am big and I sometimes know how to do lots of things when there is a grown up there to help inside. But if I don't do lots of jobs thats ok, cause if it makes me feel bad or yucky then its ok if I don't do jobs.

But when I was for real a kid, I used to get in trouble if I didn't do lots of jobs every single day and I had to do them just right or else I would get in trouble and I had to do the whole job no matter how I felt. Even if I was feeling sick or if I got hurt I was still supposed to do the jobs right or maybe I would get hit or someone would say something mean to me like I was lazy or stupid or something like that.

Like washing dishes sometimes I would get in trouble if they weren't perfectly clean or if I didn't wash every single big pot and even if I was only eight I would get in trouble if they didn't get clean and I would have to get out of bed and wash them again or something like that.

Sometimes now when I wash dishes I kind of remember about that and I feel scared like someone will hit me or yell at me if I don't do it just right and then I am afraid that maybe something will break and I will get in trouble so I don't like to do dishes sometimes cause then I think about people getting mad and the people are very much bigger than me like way up to the ceiling and they will hurt me if I do it wrong.

But now no one gets mad even if I do ZERO dishes all day long and don't put any away either. Even if I am big its ok.

And people say thats fair and ok and how its sposed to be cause people arent sposed to yell at you even if you dont do your jobs even if you are big. And maybe they are right but that means that what used to happen was very super wrong and I am mad cause people were very mean to me about stuff like jobs and they were bigger and I dont understand why people who are super big are allowed to be mean like that.

Like another rule was I could not hit someone who was littler than me when I was still little but if someone was big they could hit people cause they were the grown ups, and if someone was little they could hit me cause they didn't know better but I was in the middle and I wasnt ever allowed to hit someone cause I wasn't big and I was sposed to know better. But why do you get to hit someone just cause you are lots bigger than them? That seems like a mean thing cause a big grown up is WAY bigger than a little kid.

And I feel super mad about that cause it was NOT FAIR. Not one bit.

This is Teller mostly and a little Mandy cause Mandy wanted to say some of this but she just felt mad and wanted to yell.