trapped

i hate this. i hate being here and i cant get the other parts to just let me leave. there is absolutely nothing i can figure out how to make myself do to feel better and the other parts wont let me do anything. i just want to walk away, or drive, or just leave, but they wont let me. i want to scream and have fights and break things. there is nothing i can figure out how to do.

and im mad at people because they like the other parts just fine and pay attention to them and take care of them and even though a certain person says she cares about me its just a lie because she only bothers with me because its a package deal and she cant get the other parts who she actually cares about without having me too. if she could get rid of me im sure she would. if i could just go away i would and everyone would be happier. but i cant figure out how to disappear so im just fucking stuck here and feeling like screaming but i cant even do that because the other parts wont let me do anything that would make anyone else have any problems.

fuck them. so im writing here and i dont care if they dont like it i should get at least one place where i can say things.

i hate it HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT here. its not like anything is going to change either because no one really cares about it and im just supposed to figure out how to be one of the good ones who does what im supposed to on my own. and since i cant do that then im stuck feeling like crap.

and i hate that the other parts get to do things to feel better and have people care about them but because all i do is be a jerk all the time no one likes me and i know its reasonable for people not to like me but no one helps me to figure out how not to be a jerk they just wait until i go away and then theyre all nice to the other parts.

its not like i do anything that bad. im just crabby and snappy and not nice. even if i want to smack people on the street or break windows or do things like that, i dont and i probably wouldnt even if the other parts didnt stop me. but certain people like the little kids even when they feel bad, but they dont care about ME and i hate that.