no real title

there are a lot of things i could be writing about, or that others have been thinking about. and we've been switching so much lately that i bet one of the others will show up before i'm done, or something.

anyhow, one thing to mention here is that i have a cold. and it sucks to have a cold, but at the same time, hopefully it means the reason i've been really exhausted and run down lately is from the cold, and not from some dire exacerbation of the fibro. so as far as that goes, it's ok. the cold should be over with in a week or two (unless i got a different cold from the one going around, or unless i get lucky and get over it quickly).

another thing to mention is that i've been really switchy. like, not having any part around for more than an hour at a time, tops. lots of times, it's more minute to minute. not sure what's causing it. spent a chunk of the weekend, and parts of today, so switchy i could barely stand up. lots of vision difficulties. some of it i have been covering up, so i don't think w or others quite know the extent of it. some of it, i don't notice until something calls attention to it. i mean, if we're all doing more or less the same thing, then it's not so much of a problem. but i was trying to write something down--just a quick jotting, and realized looking at the handwriting that i switched about four times in five minutes or so of writing. so it's hard to get things taken care of because we don't always agree about what we're trying to do.

one positive from this is that i was still really switchy and spaced out when w and i went to couple's counseling today. not usually a good thing, and there was a moderate panic attack on the subway. but the positive part is, this new couple's therapist was able to handle the switchiness, and i wound up feeling more grounded afterwards, and even though i wasn't comfortable (nor, i think, were any of the others) with calling attention to the fact that i was switching all over the place... or, well, with saying who we were and when it happened... but the new therapist was still someone we felt comfortable with, and felt ok talking about things. so we'll see how that works out. i didn't feel like she was pushing at me too much, even though she was talking a lot about my issues. but she seems really careful to balance the discussion between me and w, and it feels like she takes both of us seriously. so that's good.

now i'm gonna stop writing, because someone else is about to be out, and i can barely focus my eyes.

plus, i'm not 100% sure who i am, and it feels weird to say that, but there it is. i'm not ellis or grace or jamie or rynn, or one of the adults or littles. beyond that, not sure.